On the road
The Desert is passing by my eyes
Dazed, my dusty red car speeds on
My mind blank, staring at sun in the west.
The sun slowly sets
The colors around the landscape blur
The light in the west softens
My eyelids heavy, slowly dropping over my eyes.
The soft moon opens its eye
It’s glow reflecting in my mirror
Lighting the road ahead of me
My body quietly melting into the leather seat.
The stars are bright
Sparkling over my windshield
Refusing to move
My eyes begin to shut, as I pull over and turn back my key.
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©2006-2009 ~TemporalGuile
Author's Comments
(I'll put in the ugly writing first.) I just wanted to write something, I didn't spend alot of time on this. Just listening to Boards of Canada, which made me thinking about what I'm writing here. I just got something down, and didn't really go through it. Just wanted it to come out.
Heh, I'm thinking 1950ies Corvette. Driving along the dry deserts of the midwest, as the sun slowly sets, and you find your mind fazing in and out of time as the stars slowly come out and empty your mind of worries. Looking at the sky in the middle of no where through your car window. That's something I remember very clearly when I was smaller. Just the feel of looking up at the endless sky, with nothing else on the ground. Everything in the sky was there for you, watching, when nothing back on earth was. You just couldn't help but look at up at those twinkling guardians. |
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October 1, 2006
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Comments
--
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feeling like a criminal.
great imagry and hey if I mispelt that dont hold it against me LOL
be well
--
Non illigitamus carborundum*****
"The most significant legacy you can leave behind
is not on a resume or in a bank account - it is in your character,
in a life with loyalty, integrity and truth."
~~ David K. Zandi
"My mind blank, staring at sun in the west." ->
"My mind blank, staring at the western sun"
...the last word in the 3rd line is "on," and something about having similar sounds at the end of those last two lines sounds a bit more...finished...or something...
i think its interesting that between the second and third stanzas, you refer to both the sun and the moon as "soft"...the way it stands, it seems as if you mean to show similarity, as if to say that you find both forms of light comforting...its an interesting view, especially because so many people like to show contrast between sun and moon, warm and cold, light and dark...i like that you take a different perspective here, but maybe find a synonym for 'soft' for one of the two, just to make it seem a bit less...repetative...
i love the last line in the third stanza..."melt" -> heat -> warmth -> comfort...though again with unconventional views about the moon. usually the sun would be the one doing the melting, which is why rather than uncomfortable heat, you get a sense of security here...intentional or not, its interesting
very nice, regardless of how much time you did or did not put into this ^.~d
--
...You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one... <3
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