On the road
The Desert is passing by my eyes
Dazed, my dusty red car speeds on
My mind blank, staring at sun in the west.
The sun slowly sets
The colors around the landscape blur
The light in the west softens
My eyelids heavy, slowly dropping over my eyes.
The soft moon opens its eye
It’s glow reflecting in my mirror
Lighting the road ahead of me
My body quietly melting into the leather seat.
The stars are bright
Sparkling over my windshield
Refusing to move
My eyes begin to shut, as I pull over and turn back my key.













Comments
--
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feeling like a criminal.
great imagry and hey if I mispelt that dont hold it against me LOL
be well
--
Non illigitamus carborundum*****
"The most significant legacy you can leave behind
is not on a resume or in a bank account - it is in your character,
in a life with loyalty, integrity and truth."
~~ David K. Zandi
"My mind blank, staring at sun in the west." ->
"My mind blank, staring at the western sun"
...the last word in the 3rd line is "on," and something about having similar sounds at the end of those last two lines sounds a bit more...finished...or something...
i think its interesting that between the second and third stanzas, you refer to both the sun and the moon as "soft"...the way it stands, it seems as if you mean to show similarity, as if to say that you find both forms of light comforting...its an interesting view, especially because so many people like to show contrast between sun and moon, warm and cold, light and dark...i like that you take a different perspective here, but maybe find a synonym for 'soft' for one of the two, just to make it seem a bit less...repetative...
i love the last line in the third stanza..."melt" -> heat -> warmth -> comfort...though again with unconventional views about the moon. usually the sun would be the one doing the melting, which is why rather than uncomfortable heat, you get a sense of security here...intentional or not, its interesting
very nice, regardless of how much time you did or did not put into this ^.~d
--
...You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one... <3
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